By Aris Cao, Arts/Law II
Everyone knows finding love is hard. In a world where Tinder gets a billion swipes a day, finding the Mike Ross to your Rachel Zane is made even more arduous when your Public Law lecturer expects an in-depth critique of Australia’s political constitutionalism by 9am Monday morning. But never fear, because if a law student knows how to do anything, it’s how to multi-task. How else do you explain our ability to write a case brief, apply for multiple internships and catch up on five weeks of international relations lectures while nursing a raging hangover from too many $5 shots at the Sheaf? Throwing a significant other into the mix should be no big deal then. The onus is on you to find them. Of course, this is easier said than done. For all of you academically blessed but romantically challenged people out there, here is a quick compilation of easy things you can do to attract your very own Harvey Specter.
*Disclaimer: None of these methods have been proven to guarantee success, nor is UNSW Law Society liable should your romantic pursuit result in mental illness (recognised of course).
- Become a barista. Everyone looks 10 times more attractive when they’re handing you a large, double shot flat white. This is scientific fact.
- Become a bartender. Ditto. With great power comes great responsibility, so wield your potentially addictive power with care.
- Talk a lot in class. If the object of your affection is in your ILJ lecture, contributing to class discussion non-stop will ensure that not only will they know your name when you inconspicuously seat yourself next to them, but you can also maximise your CP. This tactic may also render you the most annoying person in your lecture. Proceed with caution.
- Utilise UNSW Love Letters. The key here is to be specific. There are literally hundreds of tall dark handsome boys who study com/law, so make sure you know some specific facts about them. Where they live, where they work, their social security number…get creative!
- Go to all the big law events. Law Camp. Law Launch. Law Ball. Most (if not all) law events have a bar tab and free drinks + confined space = liquid courage to chat up the cute random you’ve been eyeing on the dance floor. Bonus points if you approach with a pickup line. A personal favourite is, “Your body is ultra vires because it’s beyond my power to control myself around you.” (This may also result in you getting slapped/beaten/have a drink thrust upon you)
- Stake out the library. After all the commerce students have (hopefully) vacated the area, keep a look out for any weary souls clutching law textbooks (this should be easy to spot, due to their conspicuous size). Proceed with caution, as exhaustion often equates to irritability, but if you can seat yourself at their booth and maintain conversation without being threatened with a pencil jabbed into the eye/a restraining order, then you’re doing well!
- Reveal that you are the owner and creator of Uni Study Guides. Enough said.
So, I think you get the gist of what I am trying to say here: finding love at law school is like finding a respectable guy at The Ivy on a Thursday night… It takes perseverance, patience, a keen eye and plenty of optimism/alcohol. For every mistake that gets written in a blank space (Swift 2014), just think of what the great legal theorist Elle Woods (2001) once said. “If I’m going to be a partner in a law firm by the time I’m 30, I need a boyfriend who’s not such a complete bonehead.”