By The Activities Portfolio
Which portfolio are you?
Some portfolios have the ability to produce impeccable online publications and supply merchandise (no names) and others have the power to provide piglets on demand. In order to find some sponsors (future Exec), you must inform the people of what your portfolio brings to the table.
Do you love making spreadsheets? Or editing riveting careers guides? Neither do we really. That’s probably because, like many of you, we don’t hate fun. That’s why we organise events like law ball, $2 coffees, personal training, law camp and lawlapalooza (it’s a pun, geddit? We’re also unofficially the wittiest portfolio).
In the LawSoc family, the Activities portfolio is the fun, loveable child. Think Bart Simpson. Or Charlie from the ‘Charlie Bit My Finger’ video. We literally bring the best food and drink to the table, as well as making sure that everyone at the table has a good time. You know those boring family dinners that seemed to go forever? Those are the dinners we couldn’t make it to. The events we run are the ones people remember long after they’ve left law school. To indulge in one final, hackneyed food metaphor – and paraphrase the fabulous Matt Preston – Activities is the egg in the LawSoc quiche. We’re the hero of the dish and without us you’d just have a gooey, unintelligible mass.
The cannon has sounded. You look to your right. You look to your left. Your competitors have flown into the crashing waves before you, racing to pick their weapon of choice. You decide to join in on the fight. What weapon/weapon combination does the average member of your portfolio choose?
A member of the Activities portfolio would choose a lightsaber. And not just a plebeian green/blue one either, we’d be rocking a double-bladed lightsaber Darth Maul style. Much like the perfect venue, this weapon has the perfect balance of style and functionality. After vanquishing our opponents, the resourceful and fun-loving members of the portfolio would revert to using their glow-in-the-dark lightsabers as rave lights. Hectic dance moves would likely follow.
A portion of us look up to Harvey Specter, some of us look up to Blair Waldorf and some may even look up to the plastic bag from American Beauty. Who/what does your portfolio look up to and why?
McLovin’ – for his unrivalled commitment to having a good time. This American hero displayed the leadership and organisation skills that we value so highly in the Activities portfolio. He made difficult decisions under pressure and was always willing to go the extra mile to make sure the party went on.
I’m going to assume that sanity is directly proportional to an absolute obsession with (or at least awareness of) Game of Thrones and/or Harry Potter. Considering this, pick a family from Game of Thrones, or a House from Harry Potter, that most represents the events/publications/things that your portfolio organises. Explain.
Activities is Gryffindor. If you thought fighting the Dark Lord and chasing horcruxes despite being clearly unqualified for the job was brave (or really dumb), try taking care of 180 first year Law Campers that are still coming to terms with concepts like ‘alcohol’ and ‘sex’. Especially when the nearest hospital is several hours away. As expected, the results are sloppier than the time Cho and Harry got together, and it takes Hermione-esque levels of courage and perseverance to deal with the aftermath. Our weekly personal training sessions, excellence at inter-varsity sport and unrivalled broom skills (see: mopping up chunder) mean we would also win any LawSoc Quidditch Cup.
A portfolio has answered the previous question with a similar response (How dare they?). You must battle it out to claim what is rightfully yours. What does your portfolio say in order to win the judges over?
We’re so Gryffindor that we’ve got our own resident ghost – a real life version of Nearly-Headless Nick, who goes around constantly reminding people that he too was once a member of this great portfolio. This quite annoying fellow - for privacy’s sake, let’s just call him Simon – takes great pleasure recounting stories that usually begin with “When I was Activities Vice-President…”. If you’re especially unlucky, you might even hear about his days as the Music Director.
Your portfolio has (obviously) formed a group to survive in the gruesome, artificial wild. You all jump out of a tree and start to circle another portfolio. In desperation (and fear) they offer to collude with you to win The Portfolio Games. Do you accept their offer or do you end them before they get the opportunity to turn on you?
We are a strong, independent portfolio who don’t need no-one else. But we’d still form an alliance because Activities is inclusive and enjoys meeting new people. We would shun the selfish, competitive nature of The Portfolio Games and leave that to the capitalists over in the Private Law Careers team. Instead, we would build our own utopian society out in the wild. Our Sports Directors would ensure everyone kept fit with weekly personal training and organise friendly matches between the two portfolios, while our Music Director (and the Law Society Band!) would keep everybody entertained with renditions of classics such as ‘Born to be Wild’ and ‘In the Jungle’. Cheap, but delicious, coffee would be provided by the Socials Director, and the Events Director would throw regular parties feat. wild berry juice. All the while our benevolent Vice-President would oversee everything and quickly crush any dissident uprising.
Nah just kidding, we’d probably just end them.